fingertips

its almost in your grasp and you feel it slipping away.

what now?

if you let this slip away, there wont be an "oh well theres always next time".

this is what you want, this is your life.

this is all you know.

what do you do, if all you know, ends up amounting to nothing because of chance and circumstance meaning you miss out?

the worst part is that even the bite-sized versions of this catastrophe, you look back on them, and they were up until now, your greatest failings.

so what do you do? grab everything within reach and fight tooth and nail?

what if that isnt what will determine it?

what if its too late?

i write lyrics when the mood takes me.

while listening to Oh, Sleeper, heres what i came up with.



know your boundaries and we will break them tonight
know what you want to destroy, its time to set it right
know that this will one day end
and please, dont even try to pretend

they call me curse
they call me cure
call me the reaper
you'll get what i wish for

we'll watch the city set itself up to fall
we'll watch as the rains drown them all
stand solid, proud and tall
we brace for impact,
we'll never crawl

just a phase

or is it.




this isnt a thoughtful post. this is a holy fuck we're in over our heads post.

then again. that does make it thoughtful.

know your boundaries, know your limits.

we are only human.

Mouth for War

Do you believe in yourself?



No really, do you?



I don't believe (in) you.



So prove it.










This is a war
So youve gotta stay strong and rise above
And never let the motherfuckers tear you away from what you love
Gotta fight back and reclaim whats truly yours
Take revenge on the world and declare your fucking war
Your war
Stay gold
Stay true to yourself and your friends and never let go
You want a piece of my fucking time?
Well back up and back off
Get in back of the line
You want a piece of my fucking mind?
Well fuck you
Fuck you
Stay gold
Stay true to yourself and your friends and never let go
You want a piece of my fucking time?
Well back up and back off
Get in back of the line
You want a piece of my fucking mind?
Well fuck you
Stay gold
Stay true to yourself and your friends and never let go
Never let go

Throwdown - Declare Your War

dependency

Will it save you? By leaning on someone, can you navigate problems easier? Almost certainly. By learning to do so on your own, by being broken to rebuild yourself stronger and wiser each time, would this not be wise? But if you have to do so continuously, then this defeats the purpose of being stronger. Or is it just for that one moment, that one triumph, where we finally hold our own, where we face down the fear, that we destroy ourselves continuously.

Is that one moment so sweet in victory that we feel it worth it to suffer to achieve such a pure frame of mind for such a short time, before failing on promises to continue to hold strong, and fall back into our own cycles of self destruction?

You tell me.

well here we are

Having sunk to the bottom rung of evolution, I have created a vent blog. The disappointment never ends.


Respect is a big issue at the moment. Just simple, basic respect between human beings. I don't expect respect, and I don't respect people at the drop of a hat. Respect has to be earned. But how many chances can we ruin before we don't get another? What if you've finally become certain, what if you KNOW what you want, but you haven't earned the respect to be able to pursue this without being pushed in the opposite direction by people who just don't believe in you any more? You know they want the best, but is it too much to ask for the most basic level of respect as human beings to allow you to make your own decisions.?

Self-determination is important, and without it, when those making our decisions for us stand back, we fall. But when we aren't afforded this chance of self-determination, because of our previous failings, where do we find the right to become resentful? We do it anyway, but we both know it's invalid. So what happens in this situation? I have found the resentment at not being afforded the respect to determine my own choices in life, but I have no right to it. Yet, how much right do parents have to control any of our decisions? Legally, at the age of fourteen, we can make our own decisions medically, regardless of parents. Crazy, no? So why is it that at the age of seventeen, when finally a decision on my future has been agreed upon by all the warring factions within my mind, can I not have the chance to pursue it my way?

The HSC is unnecessary for me at this point. I KNOW that this path is what I will do with my life, and all I need is the ATAR equivalent of a 65 UAI. Back-up plan? Why? It's almost guaranteeing failure, not believing in yourself enough to be able to hold yourself up and take what is yours. It's not a contingency plan, because it becomes easier than struggling for your real goal, and you fall back on it, pretending only to do it temporarily, but you'll never go back to what you really want. I'm not leaving myself any other option. I will live that life, this is what I will do. There are no fall backs, no safety nets or ropes to guide me. I'm walking a tightrope, and its the only thing that will galvanise me. So be it. Here goes the rest of my life.