well here we are

Having sunk to the bottom rung of evolution, I have created a vent blog. The disappointment never ends.


Respect is a big issue at the moment. Just simple, basic respect between human beings. I don't expect respect, and I don't respect people at the drop of a hat. Respect has to be earned. But how many chances can we ruin before we don't get another? What if you've finally become certain, what if you KNOW what you want, but you haven't earned the respect to be able to pursue this without being pushed in the opposite direction by people who just don't believe in you any more? You know they want the best, but is it too much to ask for the most basic level of respect as human beings to allow you to make your own decisions.?

Self-determination is important, and without it, when those making our decisions for us stand back, we fall. But when we aren't afforded this chance of self-determination, because of our previous failings, where do we find the right to become resentful? We do it anyway, but we both know it's invalid. So what happens in this situation? I have found the resentment at not being afforded the respect to determine my own choices in life, but I have no right to it. Yet, how much right do parents have to control any of our decisions? Legally, at the age of fourteen, we can make our own decisions medically, regardless of parents. Crazy, no? So why is it that at the age of seventeen, when finally a decision on my future has been agreed upon by all the warring factions within my mind, can I not have the chance to pursue it my way?

The HSC is unnecessary for me at this point. I KNOW that this path is what I will do with my life, and all I need is the ATAR equivalent of a 65 UAI. Back-up plan? Why? It's almost guaranteeing failure, not believing in yourself enough to be able to hold yourself up and take what is yours. It's not a contingency plan, because it becomes easier than struggling for your real goal, and you fall back on it, pretending only to do it temporarily, but you'll never go back to what you really want. I'm not leaving myself any other option. I will live that life, this is what I will do. There are no fall backs, no safety nets or ropes to guide me. I'm walking a tightrope, and its the only thing that will galvanise me. So be it. Here goes the rest of my life.