death of seasons

"Elegy in a Botanic Gardens" by Kenneth Slessor is probably one of my new favourite pieces of literature. Its absolutely stunning, it really is, and you should definitely read it and enjoy it. It explains the title of this blog too, as, contrary to what it seems, this is a joyful blog *gasp*.

Life moves onwards always, but rarely do we come to crossroads such as these. We've shared the last 6 years of our lives with the same people. 5 days a week, term in, term out, year in, year out. You become accustomed to them. Interaction is automatic and takes no effort. You know how each person reacts to certain things, and how to react to them. Everything becomes automatic, and you just settle into a rhythm.

But now, we near the end. This is the great leap into the rest of our lives. From here, we all head for uni, or whatever we choose to do. These are the last days of our hibernation, and in less than two months, we truly begin to live, we hatch, we thrive and we LIVE. Its exciting, and yes, going against my hardened hatred, I will actually miss quite a few people. Not on a personal level, but just a joke as you walk past, a smile or a nod, a feeling of kinship of sorts. Now our true friends are born. We decide who we will actually put in the effort to stay in contact with, especially those of us going to uni's with different people to those we are closer to, or those of us (myself, specifically, possibly others) going somewhere with no one from our current social circles.

I know who these people will be, but what I wonder is, who will return the effort? Seems if you drive, it's all on your head. I don't want that responsibility, because that wouldn't be a friendship. For some, it won't bother me, it's my pleasure to go to you, though there are very few. To the others, step up, or don't expect anything from me.

But back to a positive note.

I know my feelings, and I understand them now. I understand my situation, THE situation, and I understand the futility, but this doesn't lessen the feeling, it isn't putting me in a bad mood, the fact that I can't be who you need. I know that what I CAN do is be the friend you need, and I will do anything for you as a friend, anything. You've always been there for me even through my mistreatment of you, and I will fight tooth and nail to stay by your side when the time comes and prove myself worthy of you. Because I'd rather keep you as a friend than lose you for the sake of my own selfishness. You bring out the best in me, the me that I've found it easier and safer to protect and hide over the years. You make me try to be something better, and for that I will always be indebted to you. I don't know where this is going, haha, I guess I just needed to write this down. I know you don't read this, or even know about it. I'm not sure if I'd rather that, or if I'd rather you saw this. I think I'd rather take the time to tell you in person how thankful I am that you are who you are.

So adios for now my friends, whoever may read this.
I hope you are enjoying life and living each day the way it deserves to be lived.
Remember that there is always someone there to turn to, and don't ever lapse and undervalue those around you by not truly understanding their contribution.
: )